President for a Day

I’m a man of lofty dreams. I once divvied up an imaginary $10 Million to friends and family, cutting each of them a piece of the pie from my new-found fortunate. Unsurprisingly, the theoretical inheritance they would receive caused some controversy, and I was frustrated with the limits of the money I didn’t have. Still, it caused me to think of my capacity for making good decisions because, while I do make an excellent armchair critic, I am often wary of my ability to use foresight to my advantage.

In the summer, I talked to Geoff Brown about his concept for advertising Nipissing University through social media marketing and disagreed that it would have any effect at all. Geoff’s idea was to have students blog about their daily lives and be encouraged to share their perspectives about campus news, a concept which I thought would never take off thanks to systemic apathy. However, as we can now attest, the idea worked – albeit fuelled by the promise of prices, I think, more so than the intrinsic value in documenting life’s foibles. Still, I am wary of some new initiatives simply because I strive to nurture the idea of this university as a unique and playful educational institution in Ontario. It’s not as entrenched in hippie ideals as Trent University, nor is it as shiny and new as the University of Ontario Institute of Technology. It is, for better or for worse, the site of close relationships: friendships strengthen with proximity, thesis students cozy up to professors and bawl uncontrollably, advocacy groups work firmly with administration. It’s something worth saving. And yet –

We are expanding in so many ways that I fear for our institution’s heart. The E-Commons Library seems promising, and its stature will do wonders to position Nipissing University as a home for research and academia. Ditto for the science wing, now extending to the edges of our beautiful pond. Still more promising is our athletics expansion, with a new recreation centre and hockey team close enough to make us all salivate. What’s our message? “Yes, it’s true: we don’t huddle next to each other in igloos, and we don’t subsist on beavertails alone, though they are delicious. Pass the moose testicle.” We are sophisticated. Mostly.

We are collectively striving to be seen, reaching our hands out in a vain attempt to be noticed by the rest of Ontario, when it might simply be easier to cash in our surroundings: “Nipissing University: Home of Ravenous Bears.” That’ll attract gawkers, I’m fairly sure. We could make it an annual thing to replace ‘Pie-A-Prof’ with ‘The President Wrestles a Bear.’ Bears could roam the halls, hunting for berries hidden in offices and for trout strewn across the Brown Lounge and across the windy stairs in a vain attempt to replicate salmon hunting.

Nipissing University is famous for straddling the line between 'folksy' and 'technologically advanced' and it's been in evidence since the iTeach program was introduced into the Bachelor of Education program. As our campus expands, so too does the number of students attending university, and the number graduating -- especially true since the required mean grade required to jump from third year to fourth has been reduced to 65%. It's a tough sell because it's essentially selling a lifestyle, and the two ideas are incongruous. We were absolutely poised to become the rebellious liberal arts university with a heart of gold, but technology has a way of distracting from the very things we were founded on: nature, colloquialism, kinship and beer. Nobody ever said it was easy to run a university, or to take the brunt for bad decisions. I'd like to think I could take a crack at the job though.

If I were President for a day, I'd convene a meeting with staff and faculty by Duchesnay Falls so we could all talk about our favourite things about the university while drinking hot chocolate and eating smores. If we lost a few stragglers on the trails to fervent lovemaking and wild cats, well, so be it: we'd form a stronger pack as Darwin would have wanted.

If I were President for a day, I'd sample each and every bit of food from Aramark and the Student Centre has to offer and make strong decisive action to rid the campus of overcooked, bland and bitter food. There would be an all-out war on the kinds of overpriced goods and services students pay each and every day, just because they decide to stay on campus rather than eat at one of North Bay's fine restaurants.

If I were President for a day, I'd thank all the support service staff, including janitorial staff, who are the base of operations for every other person in the building. And I'd give them all Nipissing University paraphernalia.

If I were President for a day, I'd make dancing to class mandatory, and pump out Motown, Blues and old rock tunes.

If I were President for a day, I'd dress in full Value Village regalia.

Lastly, if I were President for a day, I'd make a call to Canadore College and have them meet us out back for a Sharks vs. Jets-like scrap, just like the old days.